Lucy woke up last night (after she had come to our bed) saying, “I need my coffee!” I told her to go back to sleep, but she got up, went to the living room (where Craig was still on the computer) and got her sippy-cup of chocolate milk with a splash of coffee and brought it back to the bedroom. The she got up again and announced that she wanted water. Before Craig could get it, she was saying very loudly, “No, I going to sleep!” but she had closed the bedroom door on her way out and couldn’t open it again. All this woke up Samantha, and thus ended my half-hour or so of comfortable sleeping.
In other news, I am officially and thankfully unemployed. (But, also thankfully, my paycheck doesn’t stop coming in until August!) On Friday, Craig helped me clean out my classroom, we went out to lunch to celebrate, and then Craig went up to Shaw to do some of his own work. Everyone at school gave me hugs and told me how sorry they were to see me go. When I got home, Samantha was angry because she was still suffering from the cold she caught earlier in the week, and Lucy was angry because, well, she’s two. And it was naptime, and she had already had a busy day. And I thought, “Why am I leaving the company of kind adults for that of screaming children?” Certain Roman bird-watchers might have something to say about this.
And yesterday I read several posts pointing out how wonderful motherhood is. And today we tried (unsuccessfully – it rained) to take the girls to the zoo. We got ice cream instead. Lucy threw no fits until after 8 PM. We napped well. We ate well. We played well. We ate tomato and basil from our own garden. This is why I’m staying home – so Lucy can paint in the back yard, and Samantha can sit on a blanket under a tree while I hang out the laundry. So we can go to the zoo on a Tuesday. So I can put band-aids on cuts, snuggle sleepy infants, and spend half the day with a child on my hip.
I think it will be a good life. I am really, sincerely, looking forward to it, however much I may fear the responsibility. Because now if something goes wrong, I have only myself to blame. Two little souls have been entrusted to me so that I can help them find their way to their eternal home. All those blogs I’ve been reading are right, what a privilege! What faith God has in me to entrust two of his most prized possessions into my hands! It is all making me very aware of all my own shortcomings and all the work I have to do to set even a decent, let alone a good, example for these little ones. So I’m working on my prayer, and I’m asking for your prayers, because the enormity of this task feels overwhelming sometimes. But what joy comes with this work! I now work every day, all day, for joy incarnate.